If you'd let me, I'd like to type a little frustrated/sad/impatient anxiety post into the busy world of the inter-web. After all, I don't have a blog to impress anybody. I have a blog so I can create a timeline, a dairy if you will, of my thoughts and feelings as I have them. I try to keep my posts positive and upbeat, but sometimes life isn't upbeat dang it! So here it is; last month as our landlord decided it was a "good thing" to rip up more and more trees on our property, I was sadly reminded it's not really ours. It's an uncomfortable feeling knowing that I am not permanently grounded here and we have no real authority to say anything about the home we live in. As I heard the roots to our fruit trees snap and I felt violated. They never asked or told us they were coming. Why don't we get a say? I guess it was a not-so-gentle reminder- this is our home, but not our house.
The upside to renting is that any time something expensive needs to be fixed, we don't have to pay for it. Our water heater went out last year and it was fixed within a week (thank goodness!) but as time goes by, I find not being a permanent resident more and more unsettling. I guess this is just temporary and it can be hard to see the positive in what looks like negative changes. When I can't repaint my horrible camo green - pine cone themed bathroom; when I can't put a garden where I think it would do best and when they rip the trees that give our house privacy straight from the ground, I just want to leave. The good doesn't seem to outweigh the bad.
My apologies for the random filters and what not on the pictures, some go way, way back and apparently I liked to edit the bejeepers outta things.
I love it here, don't get me wrong. We have the most beautiful view of a mountain right out our kitchen window and in the morning we can see our neighbors horses galloping peacefully through the dewey grass. We have more yard than anyone else I know and we have been blessed with so much space... A place for a garden, a yard, fruit trees, I mean, fruit trees. Well, this is home for now and we will go where we are called to be. Patience has never come naturally to me, but I am trying.
This is where we planted our first garden. This was our first yard. This was our first home together. So much has changed. (Nice black, straightened hair and nose ring old selfie!) ;)
This yard is where Jared made a bow and I lost our only arrow.
This was the first house we fully decorated for Christmas. We went on such a fun thrift store shopping spree to find everything.
This house is where baby Maps grew up under a dresser, that would someday become filled with Onyx's clothes. It is the place we get to decorate in our own, weird little way.
Someday when Jared and I have a place of our own, we will plant more just like you.
I suppose all I can do for now is pray about it. Funny how life is; I never wanted to own a house. I never wanted to live in the country, get married or have babies. I wanted to do it by myself. Now I can't imagine my life without Jared or Onyx, and without fully trusting in God. I'd probably be bored out of my mind in the city, spending much too long getting dressed and taking vain pictures of myself. Haha, oh past self...
I suppose it's the people in your house that make it a home. And so for that, I love our first home, just not the ugly pine cone bathroom. ;)
Someday we will have our own house... someday.
Maybe only in paradise, but I can wait.
Matthew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
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